do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
