omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
