put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
