At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
