i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
