I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
