a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
