So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
