Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
