It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
