I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
