I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
