True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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