yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
