Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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