but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
