I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
