so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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