I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
