I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
