Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
did you just send me my own nude
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
