real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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