I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
