he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
