He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How many fucks given?
0.12846
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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