Where is the hickey?
Can Purell be used as lube?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
