I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
