You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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