Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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