I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
