I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
