He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
