When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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