i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
the day after is always just damage control
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
