I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
