At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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