On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
