Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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