What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
