Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
