So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
