we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
