I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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