so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
