She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
