can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
