I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
