i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
