So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
