I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
