tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
