i don't like sucking hair
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
